Teach the Controversy's faq page

Occasionally Asked Questions

Who are you?

Hi, my name is Jeremy Kalgreen. I'm a slacker, former art student, and general ne'er-do-well. Also, I sometimes take pictures.

So are these shirts digital transfers like at Cafe Press?

Oh my, absolutely not, wherever did you get such an idea? My shirts use a far superior (imo) printing method known as plot printing. Instead of using digital transfers to convert bitmaps into designs like cafe press, Spreadshirt allows me to use their crazy machines to apply highly durable richly colored designs onto fabric via vector art.

So they aren't gonna go all crappy after a few washes?

Nope, nope. Scout's honor. For more info on Plot Printing just click here.

Are these shirts made up of that lame-ass wafer-thin fabric? I don't wanna be buying no damn undershirt.

No, no, no. I wouldn't do that to you. Spreadshirt offers lightweight Tees, but I avoided them at first for just this reason. But the kids wanted something lighter then my old heavyweight assortment. So I got a few test samples and it turns out the Lightweight Tees aren't no damn undershirts after all. In fact they have a real nice feel to them. So it turns out I misjudged Lightweights, and now they get to stay for-eva!

It's just like the Klingons through the ages. Back in the original Star Trek we were all like, "y'all go back from where you came from, we don't want yer kind stealing our federation wimmin". But then a few years later Worf is enriching all our lives by smashing Gerodi's mandolin:

How much do these shirts cost? Why don't you just list them on the main page? Are you hiding something from us, perhaps some terrible secret?

Yikes, well all you gotta do is click on the picture, it'll tell you how much that design would cost depending on what kind of shirt you want to put it on. Since the cost varies depending on style, I couldn't really put the price on the main page. How would you know if that was the basic T-shirt price or the American Apparel price just from looking at the design? Also, you can either pick from my pre-selected styles, which run anywhere from $15 to $25. Or you can give our custom designer a whirl, but those prices are set by the fine folks at Spreadshirt and usually run a bit higher.

Is your checkout process secure? I don't see the little lock icon in my browser?

Yes, yes I assure you it is (for whatever that's worth) but please feel free to click here for more info.

Where do you ship to, and how much does it cost? Also, Wouldn't it be easier to have a confusing setup with two separate sites, one to ship in North America and another to ship everywhere else? Better yet, how about having a asynchronous design selection between the two sites?

Well first of all, we ship a whole lotta places, for many different costs. Jump on over to the shipping page for a full rundown. As for the other question, Ummmm... no. I kinda tried that once, and it didn't really work so well.

I'm a portly gent, and I seek a more accommodating garment. Might you stock sizes appropriate for a person of my carriage?

I hear you buddy, I'm like 6'4" and built like a box of cupcakes. We do however have some 3XL shirts squirreled away, the trick is you gotta use our custom designer to get at 'em. Just hit the "Create Your Own" tab on a product page it'll bring up the designer, from there just click on the products tab and it'll show the big list of shirt options, and buried in there somewhere are the mens XXXL shirts.

What is your return policy?

Well... Um... ok, here is the bad news. Remember that nifty "Plot Printing" I mentioned earlier as my fancy new printing method? Well it turns out there is one drawback to using this system. See, each shirt is printed on demand and made to order, we don't keep any stock and each shirt is treated as a custom beautiful unique snowflake. Because of this fact we just can't accept most returns. Now if we screw up an order, then hell yes, we will fix it. But if you decide you would prefer a different size, or you just plum change your mind about your purchase I'm afraid we just can't help you there. Yeah, I know, I'd prefer it the other way too.

So are you gonna make a crap load of money off running an online shirt store?

Yeah, I don't see that happening. But my dream is to one day be hanging out somewhere and see some stranger walk in wearing a shirt of my design. Help make my dream come true, you know, so I have something to tell my grand kids.

Can I e-mail you to inform you of fantastic advances in penis creams and low rate mortgages?

No.

Can I e-mail you to shower you in praise and grovel at your feet?

Of course.